My Experience As A Teacher And Guide – Reshma Madhusudan
Casey (name changed) came into my class last year. I was told by other teachers he will be a **difficult** one to handle. I heard "he is moody" "no one, not even the school administrators have been able to control him when he gets into his temper tantrums", "he swings between friendships" "kids do not trust him" "some girls have stayed away from him". All this gave me an image of Casey - one that of a spoilt brat and confused "messy to deal with" child.
When we started interacting, my mind conciously started looking for these signs. Sure enough I found them. I not only found them, I also started getting triggered by his behaviour in our classroom. I would avoid working too much with him, specifically pay attention to the kind of group I put him, making sure he was not with his friends, checking on his turned in work (which was rare) at my earliest opportunity etc. But as any genuine child would, he sensed my uneasiness around him within the first 2 weeks and true to his expected nature, started acting up even more. I was stuck feeling a loss of respect around him.
One incident plays up...I had assigned kids to complete a certain set of problems after we had done a few in class. I had noticed him take active part in the discussion and his eyes had lit up with his understanding. I felt- yeah! he seems to be getting it - the work should be better now. The next day, when it came to sharing time, he refused to open his notes. I requested him to and he said "I will, I will" but did not make any attempt to do so. I was disappointed and upset that he was playing up again. I took out his notes from under his bench, at which point he snatched his notes back from me and stormed out of the room shouting and red .. "you have no right to open my book, back off!" I let go - quite aghast at my own anger and nervousness at that point. I found it hard to complete the clas with the rest of the kids. The other kids seemed quite casual and accepted this behavior from him and moved on - but I was stuck.
That night I used EFT on myself, on my own feelings of humiliation, feelings of loss of contol and respect. I tapped on my own need for a smooth classroom and easy day, a friendly set of students and most of all a smiling set of boys including a smiling Casey. As my emotions calmed down I realized, I was experiencing an expected result. I had labeled him in my mind as a "do-nothing" "michief monger", "trouble trigger" and what not. I failed to look at him as a growing child who actually had a wonderful sense of humor. As my emotions calmed down I could see brighter sides of Casey filled himself with laughter at times, with great friends. He was smart, a quick thinker. Letting go of my negative emotions helped me focus on Casey’s positives and not just negative labeling. In a calmer state, I visualized what I wanted for Casey. I visualized introducing the class routine for the day and Casey listening to it. Through my visuals, I realized he had had several such listening moments with me already - I just hadn't recognized it. I also recollected and wrote down all the times he had participated well and gave some expcellent feedback to Casey. I also realized that I needed to accept Casey as himself - a person who did not like to write or pen down his thoughts, but only participated verbally. I accepted Casey wholly as he was -a growing child.
The next day was a lot smoother for me. I did my concious breathing and stretches with the entire clas before beginning and took the time to explain that I was doing so to balance all our inner energies. Kids are wonderful - they do look up to you and for your behaviours and mannerisms and are actually very ready to emulate as long as it does not strain them in any way. I went up to Casey - smiled and said " Hi, are we doing ok today? I have a feeling we will be fine together - you and I" and walked away as I got just a short nod. Later a few sharings happened and he had one input - that received. my attention and a genuine thank you! I started checking in with him now and then - saying a genuine hi and asking how he was doing, and letting him be - nothing too much, nothing over the top,. This gave me peace and a functioning atmosphere around the two of us.
I went on to have many interactions with Casey - I learnt from my colleagues that yes, writing is a big challenge for him - soemthing we need to work on for his own greater good later on. I also gained the respect of his mom and dad. Since then I have left school but Casey still remembers me and came out running to see me other day. I still remember him and thank him for teaching me how labels stop us from connecting to our children!