What does forgiveness mean? Should we forgive? Or not?

Last week, we had a very good and exploratory session as a group working on mental images within ourselves. I’m sharing some of the concepts that came out of this.

As part of this the topic of forgiveness came up. And then of course the obvious question on forgiveness came up –

What does forgiveness mean when we see endless war crimes and innocents being ripped apart? When we see destruction around us and even children targeted ruthlessly? How can we forgive humans who commit such atrocities that seem unbelievable? Does forgiveness mean becoming immune?  Does it mean indifference? All of these are common misconceptions about an internal state of forgiveness.

First of all – my request is to not start with the goal of forgiveness. Simply start with the goal of working on accepting your own emotions/reactions and mental images as part of getting yourself into a place where you feel balanced.  What are your reactions when you see the images that are alive for you? And follow the natural path thereafter. Simply start by becoming mindful and aware of what is going on within you. This is the most important thing. Not forgiveness as a goal but simply becoming mindful of what is going on within you. Tapping to understand yourself deeper.  Slowing down enough to become aware of your own images/feelings/reactions is the first step. What may emerge from this may be forgiveness – as a side effect.

During the group session - we explored the concepts of forgiveness as a group. Typically, an external “trigger” or event causes a whole range of different emotions, pain and hurt within us. The first part of the process simply comes to terms with all of our own experiences. This is a state where all the different emotions we feel because of the external event have been accepted and resistances towards accepting the situation have been calmed through a strong and loving process of self empathy. One cannot reach such a state through “the so called rational” means. Instead we mindfully embrace our reactions and tap with acceptance. We are able to then talk about the external event without being torn apart within ourselves. The process of empathy is deeply healing – it removes internal resistances through complete acceptance. Once the empathy process finishes we are able to see differently naturally.  It is only when we have received sufficient empathy for what we have stored within ourselves that we can even attempt to see another point of view or the same situation from different angles. In this balanced state we may be able to see options that did not exist before.

Forgiveness is an internal state within where we are no longer “resisting” the images we are working with. It means becoming free of the reactionary action that arises within. It feels lighter and balanced from within after acceptance of all of our natural initial feelings and reactions. Not a forced state where we have covered up our reactions but from within. The lightness we feel from within naturally when we have healed from the issue. It is a state where we naturally experience deeper understanding – not a forced “adjustment”. Forgiveness should never be confused with passive giving up or surrender in gloom.  In fact it is an active process of engagement. It is also a state from which more options for actions can become apparent. It is however not a substitute for action but a state from which we are completely clear and balanced about the action to take.

When we are “empty of resistances” then we can be empathetic to someone else. This is when we can see the agony and a  victim in a terrorist who have their own deluded mental images.  Without a process of empathy – we can easily fall into the same blame game and store baggage within ourselves which can grow into the seeds of  hatred we are blaming in the first place.

This process is different from simply “venting” or dialogue where we end up sticking to the same internal images and resistances.  With a healing approach – we cleanse ourselves internally and feel free from within ourselves. Healing also helps us get along with our lives and not get stuck/sucked into the mental images that can hold us back. It is a freedom from within.

This is the same difference that exists between an “anti-war rally” and a “peace walk”.

Love,

-Jayashree